2009/09/20

i had a dream


there is one very awkward recurrent dream. many people know the theme in different variations and have dreamt the same thing.
all of a sudden there is a new room to the place you´ve been living in for years and years. it just appears and you discover it and get all thrilled by the mysterious delight of discovering.
a new door opens.
in my dream there is an entire new part to my apartment. it´s by the river and the windows are almost on eye level with the water. it´s a little windy in there and there´s no heating. very few furniture. and everything is chalky, salty white like in spanish fincas. it kind of gives me the feeling of houses by the sea. like my favourite house, the famous casa malaparte on capri. but all is run down and kind of bandit-like. a little dubious. a little shady. the danger of the strength of the waves and the devouring sea is in the air. the light is white and there are long shadows.
i sit on a white bench in one of the open rooms in my dream and wonder what to do with the place. i look at the run down stove. i don´t know. and so i sit, a little stunned and marvelled by it´s beauty. a little frightened by it´s mere existence. and don´t know what to do. but i don´t really worry either.
it´s kind of like being in the universe, isn´t it?
beautiful and frightening and not knowing what to do about it.
i know this room so well by now.
if you look for banal dream interpretations, they mostly say it means you´re discovering a new part of yourself and bla bla blurb. but i´d prefer to think it means that this room is there and waiting. either for you to make it or for you to find it and leave your known house.

the room gives me the same feeling i had when i first read camus´ "the stranger" as a teeanager on a boating holiday in a hot and awkward summer.
the shadows remind me of de chirico. or the shadows in "last year at marienbad" in the garden.
isn´t it lovely how all the places you´ve ever seen, be it in films, in dreams or in "real life" mix and drip together to form this big mysterious inner house of your imagination you live in? and why is it always a house with walls and rooms and floors?the floors and the furniture and the doors that can close and can open and the windows with the glass and the stairs and the cellars and the attics. houses! always trapped in houses.